I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You ruined the universe
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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