And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
