I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i dont even know how to be here
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
