I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
