Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
