I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
