for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
