i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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