Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
