I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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