I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
