well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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