The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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