he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
