hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They took my balls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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