i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
