come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
