My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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