im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
