i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
