going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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