I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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