porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
