Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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