I wish i was in the wii world.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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