I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
