I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
