This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
