After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Semen is not good for contacts.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
