Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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