dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
