I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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