totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
