If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
