I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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