he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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