Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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