Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
