i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
