her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
