Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do vagina's smell?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
