Too much gin, very little bucket
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
