ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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