is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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