i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
