I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
