he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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