I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
God I need to hump something, right now.
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