I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
