I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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