waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
