Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
