Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
