he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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